I’m a Suicide Attempt Survivor and I Think It’s Time We Talk About the Rational Side of Suicide
CW: Mention of suicide, suicidal Ideation and self harm.
“A permanent solution to a temporary problem”…”illogical”…”an irrational act of angst”… Suicide has been described in many ways, but rarely is it ever referred to as rational. When discussing how someone has died by suicide, we’re much more likely to hear phrases like “they weren’t in their right mind,” or “they weren’t thinking clearly.” And to these questions, I would in turn ask - “what if they were in their right mind?” “what if they were thinking clearly?” and “why are we so afraid to validate suicide?”
Most people can agree that human nature includes our innate drive for survival - to keep ourselves and our offspring alive. But what if this life that we’re protecting isn’t worth living? It’s common to hear millennials speak about their struggles with the ethics of having children because of the world they would be bringing them into. Assisted suicide is becoming more and more popular (albeit, still rare) amongst those with chronic and terminal illnesses. If we can understand and empathize with these reasons to either end life, or not create it altogether, then why can’t we understand the idea that, sometimes, no life is better than living?
Studies show that sexual and emotional abuse, especially in childhood, drastically increase rates of suicidality amongst children and adults. Though these types of abuse happen to all sexes throughout all cultures and socioeconomic classes, women, girls, POC, and those in the LGBTQ+ community are at higher risk of abuse. RAINN reports that 1 in 9 girls in the United States will experience sexual assault or abuse before their 18th birthday and WHO reports that nearly ⅓ of women worldwide will experience sexual violence, including domestic violence, in their lifetimes. Those in the LGBTQ+ community experience exacerbated rates of assault. These statistics coincide with evidence that women are more likely to attempt suicide than men and LGBTQ youth are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide then their straight and cisgender peers. Studies have also show that suicide rates are rising amongst people of color.
I’ve worked the phones at a suicide prevention hotline and having spoken to hundreds of people, I can say from personal experience that there is no denying that suicide is eminently nuanced; there is no one reason people attempt suicide nor can we claim broad abstractions behind people’s motives. The reasons I had for attempting suicide are similar to some of those who I talked to and vastly different from others. While it is important to acknowledge that many people suffer from mental health diagnoses that cause them to make decisions that they normally would not, I would argue that most suicide attempts are made on the grounds of rational, logical thought.
I feel we often don’t want to accept that someone’s life is so difficult, so painful, and so unbearable that their want to end their life is justifiable because it’s just. so. sad. While this is undeniably true, treating suicidal ideation as rational thought actually makes these situations more treatable. Because then we can trust what those who are struggling are saying and take concrete action to support them. If those with suicidal ideations were just illogical, then how are they supposed to get the treatment they need? It’s a similar concept to how many women, especially women of color, aren’t believed when they seek treatment for physical pain and ailments. They’re often told that their pain isn’t real, and instead, is actually a form of anxiety or some other thinly veiled word for sexist hysteria. Studies have shown that because of this, women suffer far more than they should, which in many cases, can lead to their deaths.
Undermining the validity of suicidal ideations puts those struggling at an exponentially higher risk of being abused by healthcare professionals than if they were categorized as “sane.” Many studies and reports have shown that patients in psych wards (where those at risk of dying by suicide are often involuntarily placed) often experience physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse by staff members. Within this survey conducted by Mad in America, 25% of participants reported being forcibly drugged, 18% reported being physically abused, and 7% reported being sexually abused during their involuntary hold. 64% responded with either “disagree” or “strongly disagree” when asked if they were satisfied with the conduct of their psych ward doctors. With the state of our psychiatric facilities and the drastic labels placed on those who are suicidal, it’s no wonder so many people stay silent about their struggles and suicidal ideations.
Though it may sound counterintuitive, most people who attempt suicide do so not to “be dead,” but instead, to be free of their pain. Though they may seem indistinguishable, they’re actually quite different. Moments before attempting to take my own life I remember thinking, “I can’t feel like this anymore, I need this to stop.” I see suicide as a way people attempt to save themselves. To save themselves from unrelenting and unbearable pain. The United States has a deplorable mental health care system that is plagued with economic and cultural barriers - especially for those in marginalized groups. Studies show that inadequate access to mental health care in the U.S. is a massive catalyst when it comes to mental health crises. Sometimes, if we aren't able to heal despite our best efforts and services available (or not available), ending our life can understandably be seen as the only way to stop the pain.
To be clear - I do not believe we should encourage suicide or fail to intervene when someone is in crisis. Validating the reasons behind suicidal ideation and promoting suicide are two different things. Instead, I’m talking about a societal shift away from viewing suicidality, suicide attempts, and completions, as always unjustifiable. It is important for us to shift our focus from classifying those who experience suicidality as “crazy” or “unhinged” or “disturbed” - our communities, our healthcare systems, and our homes need to see that reasons behind the want for suicide is the problem, not the person experiencing it.
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About the Author:
Mica Kanner-Mascolo (She/her) She is an East Coast-based freelance culture, news, and wellness writer and editor. Her inspiration is drawn from our often under-examined social norms and contracts and how they affect our daily lives.