I find gender euphoria…
Interviews by Rose Montoya
by Rose Montoya
Read this in the FEMINIST ZINE
We at FEMINIST know that a huge part of the fight for true equity is figuring out what it is about our bodies that makes us feel the most joyful. We asked several people of trans experience how they find gender euphoria, and how they work towards it in their own lives.
This is what they had to say.
Tarzan - he/him - @daddyhisokaaa
“I find gender euphoria in a lot of my daily life activities, like when I go to work and wear my nursing outfit. The way my clothes fit brings me so much joy. When I do something that’s very masculine, but can also do something that’s equally as feminine and feel amazing about my manhood. Shaving my beard just to watch it grow back in thicker. It’s the little things that just affirm my gender euphoria.
I’m working towards my gender euphoria by loving myself authentically with no boundaries, because the way I love and treat myself is what matters. I’m me. I’m him/he.”
Arri Gucci - she/they @arrixmakeup
“I find gender euphoria by embracing all parts of my body. Just by looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself I am no less than anyone. I work toward gender euphoria by just wearing whatever makes me feel most comfortable and not giving a damn what people think, because as long as I feel happy, that’s all that matters!”
Jericho Galindo - he/him/ze/zir - @jerichosjourney
“Gender euphoria for me has always been difficult. For me, it starts with remaining present, and showing up as my goofy, serious, creative self. I find it with practices like meditation. They remind me I am human, flawed, and beautiful. And that is okay. Reminding myself, no matter what, I am enough and celebrating myself everyday. I am extremely grateful to have received gender affirming surgery 2 years ago in December. These last two years, I have felt the ebb and flow of presence and disassociation. Working towards euphoria for me can look like a fresh haircut, neon pink, makeup, never limiting myself in my expression with my drag, a hot shower, and loving the body that has gotten me through. [It’s] a daily practice that becomes easier as I stay connected. Simply, giving the same love I give to others to myself, with grace.”
Mauro Cuchi - they/them - @mauro_cuchi
“I find gender euphoria through drag expression the most. It allows me to tell my story through music, comedy, fashion, and so many other means that my body almost feels irrelevant in a way that is so freeing. I also find it feeling my most faggy papi chulo self. ( if faggy isn’t acceptable I’ll take queer lol) I think a constant step towards euphoria has been releasing myself from appeasing others in their own expectations of gender. Working towards neutrality with my body and embracing my Transness more every day, which has allowed myself to move from neutrality into love and joy with parts of my body. Also getting therapized and like crying a little…. Or osea [sic] like a lot definitely helps too!”
Quei Tann - she/her - @queitann
“For me finding gender euphoria was simply me transitioning. Before I transitioned at 14 or 15, I didn’t have the agency to do what I wanted to or the freedom to be me. Once I transitioned I finally had that freedom. As a descendant of slaves, the freedom to be who I am — that’s my euphoria. I find euphoria from the freedom to be myself. Now I live my daily life as a trans woman, but I’ve had the euphoria all along. I haven’t allowed myself to be confined in being assigned male at birth. I don’t allow myself to be confined by the idea of patriarchal womanhood, [like] needing to have bottom surgery, or having to have sex, or behave a certain way. Instead I’ve allowed my transition to be something that is freeing. Something I want to do. Something that is authentically me, not something for society’s acceptance.”
IAmFaith - he/she/they - @riseoffaith
“My understanding is that gender euphoria is an experience that is felt physically, socially or cognitively. This defined word wasn't in my known vocabulary when I was on the path of elevated self discovery. My understanding of the makeup of my existence and its representation had to undergo sacrifice, fear, anxiety, courage and strength. As self awareness came to thought, life. As one gender identified — it wasn't simply defined. I found that female energy was being suppressed, which enabled me to try to learn another level of enlightenment. Just to be clear, to me, gender euphoria represents, to me, an enlightened knowledge of self. Through that enlightenment, I found a comfort level that gave me safety, hope and optimism for my future. I feel it's a place that found me through trial and error until I found that sweet spot that was aligned with my spirit. When finding what worked for me, I also took into account societal support and what I wanted that support to look like. As I walk through life and constantly explain who I am, I do find a sense of enjoyment with knowing that I have met my truest self. I am the embodiment of all things, and I will always express IAMFAITH.”
Brax Fleming - he/him - @sire.brax
“Gender euphoria, in particular, is a life journey that requires time and experience for me. Learning to navigate life while expressing the incorrect gender can be intimidating and challenging, but it can also be liberating along the road of self-discovery. Gender euphoria is not something I accidentally stumbled into; it is a necessary element of my existence in order for me to be my best self. The way I worked towards gender euphoria is by being authentically me, whether that was being a tomboy from the ages of 0-18 years old, to then identifying as a lesbian from 19-26 years old, to eventually realizing my actual self at 27 years of being a person of trans experience. I worked towards my gender bliss by living my life with divine purpose and knowing that there is a path for me in this world.”
Myles Markham - they/he - @a_million_myles
“The experience of gender euphoria for me started through auto-ethnography and doing ancestral work. It has been mainly through family reconnection, deepening community relationships with the ocean, and other ways of learning about my Hawaiian lineages that I’ve felt most grounded in my body and in my gender identity as a whole. In traditional kānaka maoli culture, māhū (between or middle) people like me who embodied various dualities including kane (male) and wahine (female) spirits have long served as keepers of culture, genealogies, and wisdom. Some of my favorite ways to embody this role have been through spending intentional time with ohana (family) — biological and chosen — to share stories and document our histories, and to be able to make surfing, swimming, and ocean conservation more accessible to more people. I spent most of my life trying to fit into white, Christian, and neo-colonial gendered ideas about what makes for a normative and ideal body. A body that isn’t trans, isn’t queer, that isn’t indigenous, isn’t Asian, and isn’t mixed-race. So a big part of my work toward gender euphoria is simply un-learning those internalized beliefs about my inherent “badness,” “depravity,”and “sin” or social “sickness.” Right now, gender euphoria is about identifying and practicing consistent displays of both small and big expressions of radical self-love.”
Jessica Zyrie - she/her - @thejessicazyrie
“Oftentimes when people are interested in transness, their interest is centered in trauma. I’ve become accustomed to sharing the ways in which societal rules have stood in opposition to my innate being. Those conflicting forces are gender dysphoria. So what’s gender euphoria for me? Every time I trust my intuition over societal limitation. It can be as simple as existing day to day & being seen. I’ve recently played with fashion — mixing items traditionally labeled as men’s wear with an edgy feminine twist. Physically wearing or aligning myself in spaces that were once restricting to me, are now freeing. I find extreme euphoria in that liberty. Sometimes the process to euphoria feels more complex, by diving into childhood memories where these rules were birthed, enforced and reinforced, only to realize how they don’t apply any longer. My divine femininity is deep, intuitive, sensitive, powerful, and mine. My daily efforts to unlearn the societal opposition to my innermost truth is where I find euphoria.”
Micah Gambles - he/him - @micahgambles
“Right now, I really find gender euphoria in the little things. Some things that come to mind are when my clothes fit me just right, getting a fresh haircut, looking at myself in the mirror in just my binder and underwear, or when my partner calls me handsome. Truthfully for me, it’s an ongoing thing. I’m working on living as my authentic self, regardless of how I may be perceived by others, which can be hard at times. I constantly have to remind myself that I am a man, this is a man’s body, this is a man’s voice, etc. My manhood may look different than what society deems as acceptable but it is valid nonetheless.”
Rose Montoya - they/she - @therosemontoya
“Gender euphoria is the reason I know I’m trans. It’s an unexplainable feeling of pure bliss when I affirm my gender identity and ignore societal expectations or stereotypes. I think for a long time I was trying to conquer femininity in order to fit into our society and to feel affirmed by other people, but somewhere along the way, femininity conquered me. I was weighed down with trying to make other people feel comfortable with my existence. I so desperately wanted to be accepted after being bullied my entire life. Eventually I realized I needed to affirm myself and find self acceptance in order to experience the greatest level of euphoria. I find comfort in my gender expression (clothes, makeup, hair, etc) being high femme. I’ve also shown myself love through affirming my body through multiple gender affirming surgeries. I also find euphoria in the decision to not have certain gender affirming surgeries. I no longer care if other people understand my gender identity or whether or not they are comfortable with my appearance. I’d rather lean into whatever brings me joy.”